A healthy sexual relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual satisfaction. However, certain red flags in the bedroom can indicate a selfish lover, thus leading to an unhealthy and one-sided dynamic (which you should avoid like the plague).
The first step is to recognise these signs – which is crucial for maintaining your sexual health and preserving your self-esteem.
In this blog post, we’re going to highlight five major red flags in the bedroom that should concern you. To be honest, if you tick even one of these boxes then you could be with the wrong person. However, it is also important to note that your partner may simply be unaware and needs help with their own personal growth – which can only begin when you air your concerns and communicate with them.
Here’s what you need to know…
- Lack of Communication and Listening
There are few things quite as important in a relationship as communication – especially in the bedroom:
- A selfish lover may dismiss or ignore your desires and boundaries in the bedroom.
- Pay attention to whether your partner actively listens and communicates about your needs and desires.
- Healthy sexual encounters require open communication and a willingness to prioritise both partners’ pleasure.
2. One-Sided Focus on Pleasure
Sexual intercourse takes two and if only one partner leaves satisfied every single time then you are doing it wrong, it’s as simple as that:
- If your partner constantly prioritises their own sexual pleasure over yours, it indicates a lack of consideration and empathy – a major red flag.
- A selfish lover may neglect foreplay, rush through intimate moments, and/or disregard your satisfaction entirely.
- In a healthy relationship, both partners should actively seek to please and satisfy each other.
- Disregard for Consent and Boundaries
Make no mistake: just because you have consented to be in a relationship with one another, it doesn’t mean that either of you can take in the bedroom absent consent. It should be freely given and can be taken away at any moment:
- Red flags appear when a partner ignores or disrespects your boundaries and consent.
- Watch out for instances where your partner pushes your limits without your explicit consent or disregards your verbal or non-verbal cues.
- Consent and respect for boundaries are the foundation of a healthy sexual relationship.
4. Lack of Emotional Connection
Sexual intercourse isn’t just about physical pleasure, but emotional intimacy and connection. If your partner doesn’t recognise this (or care to recognise this), it’s a massive red flag:
- A selfish lover may prioritise physical pleasure over emotional intimacy.
- Notice if your partner shows little interest in connecting emotionally before, during, or after sexual encounters.
- Emotional connection is vital for a fulfilling sexual relationship, as it enhances trust, vulnerability, and your overall satisfaction.
- An Unwillingness to Experiment and Explore
If your partner is only interested in sexual experiences that matter to them and they actively deny your desires and fantasies, it could also be a red flag:
- A selfish lover may prioritise their own desires and fantasies while disregarding their own.
- Does your partner show interest in experimentation or do they shut down your requests without a second for discussion or consideration?
- For example, you may wish to introduce sex toys and accessories in the bedroom, such as rechargeable vibrators, butt plugs, and lubrication, to enhance your shared pleasure. However, if your partner flat out refuses with no good reason, it could be a sign of a selfish lover.
Please note: a lack of desire to experiment isn’t necessarily a red flag as it could come down to personal insecurity and low self-esteem. However, if your partner flat out refuses to even have the discussion or listen to why you want to experiment, then it’s a clear sign that they do not respect you or your desires.
Why is it so Important to Address These Concerns?
Ignoring red flags in the bedroom can lead to poor sexual health, reduced self-esteem, and a deteriorating relationship.
As such, you should communicate your concerns openly and honestly with your partner, emphasising the importance of mutual satisfaction, respect, and emotional connection.
The fact is, if your partner is unwilling to address and work on these issues, it may be necessary to consider leaving the relationship to prioritise your own well-being and find yourself a partner who values and respects you.
Final Thoughts
Recognising red flags in the bedroom is crucial for maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. If one or more of the red flags apply to your relationship, we urge you to raise them in conversation and try to work through them.
If your partner refuses to listen and/or change, then do yourself a favour and get out of there! A selfish lover will invariably be selfish outside of the bedroom as well and you deserve better.